Five Minute Friday: Missing Friends



What can I say–I miss them.

The tears pool and I think, “my cup runneth under.” In a new country, a new place, a new community where I haven’t yet found community. At least how I left it in San Diego. With friends and soul sisters and fellow travelers in the journey.

I’d trade the male attention and gawking and “chit chitting” noises from the men I pass in the street, and even the Spanish speaking, for a conversation with a real friend over coffee. For a heart to heart with someone who knows more than just my name and what country I’m from. For a reminder of who I was when I liked myself. Back in San Diego, where I was welcomed into so many circles, so many communities with love and acceptance I did not deserve. And I’m here in this town of transient tourists and do-gooders and missionaries and social entrepreneurs and travelers of every stripe, and I just miss home. Miss friends.

I miss the friends who changed my life. Who sang a song of love over me. Who loved me when I didn’t love me. Who live boldly and authentically and deeply. Who taught me to fight for my own heart. Who taught me to cradle their hearts and calm their fears. Who shifted my sarcastic spirit to one of encouragement, of uplifting, of truth telling. Who taught me how to be a friend.30549_163220367180635_1397482006_n

And as I sit, missing and messy, I think of the people I see every day here in this town of transience. I think of their smiling and drinking and volcano climbing and volunteering and Spanish learning and how jealous I am of how happy they look, how comfortable. And I wonder if they have nights too of sitting, missing and messy.

I wonder how I can be a friend.

***This post is part of  Lisa Jo Baker’s Five Minute Friday writing challenge. To learn more about Five Minute Friday and how you can participate click here.

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18 thoughts on “Five Minute Friday: Missing Friends

  1. Colline says:

    It is very hard to be in a new place without someone to share the experience with – I am lucky in that I have my husband.

  2. shortybear says:

    Praying God sends new friends your way, be blessed.

  3. ruthpovey says:

    Really honest post, and I love what you wrote:’who taught me how to be a friend’. I have friends like this.. And I really loved the picture here, ‘don’t wait for people to be friendly – show them how’.. Great post

  4. interrobangkjl says:

    wow. this is beautiful and sad and lonely and transparent and bold and honest and raw. It is like you are speaking my words for me. I am in a similar situation and I appreciate the true words you have written here. Bravo for writing and for waking up each morning and sticking with it (life).

  5. From one Sea Lion (aka CRUSADER) to another…… Keep on keepin’ on sister. The best friendships take time and one day you will tell us all about how leaving La Antigua was the hardest thing you ever did because of the wonderful and beautiful friendships you made. I just know it!!! We Lomalanders are like that – tough and ready for whatever God puts in our path. Keep reaching out and He will bless you richly with the desires of your heart. Thank you for sharing with us today.

    • Thanks for the encouragement, Debi! I’ll do my best to reach out. So you went to Point Loma, too? That’s awesome!

      • Yes, yes I did. And so did my parents and my extended family and my brothers and next weekend my niece is graduating. I’m old though – class of 93 (meaning I have a reunion this year and since I was class president, guess who gets to plan it? OY!) Let’s go LOMA!!! So nice to “meet” you!!

  6. Elizabeth P says:

    I read this early this morning and thought of you all day, Aly. I wondered how long you have been where you are, and whether you are hitting the more common trough of culture adjustment…six months in? Nine months in? I hope not too much longer….that’s much too long to feel the ache of loneliness. I didn’t know and felt sad that I couldn’t cheer you on in a more productive way than a blog comment, that I couldn’t have a cup of tea with you and listen. I pray that God will send you a friend, English-speaking, Spanish-speaking, just a flesh-and-blood, listening-and-speaking shoulder to cry on and hand to hold and phone number to see on your cell phone and feel excited about. May it be soon, too, Lord.

    • Elizabeth P says:

      Ok I’d really like to edit my comment but I’m the idiot who hasn’t read “WordPress for Idiots” yet so I don’t know how. There is nothing common about your loneliness and that was not what I was trying to say. I’m intrigued by patterns, helped by them as I navigate life…sorry for projecting. Not as someone wiser but as a fellow pilgrim in a life of culture crossing, I just want to say: you will like yourself again, and your new skin will fit you in ways unimaginable. Bless you.

      • No need to edit, Elizabeth. I, too, like learning patterns and knowing that I’m not the only one who has struggled through (or overcome!) something. And I’ll take any thoughts or advice or observations from a fellow pilgrim in culture crossing.

        True, an in-person conversation over tea would be far better, but I am touched by your words and encouragement. I’m nine months in to my cultural adjustment. I’ve met a lot of people and made some friends, but I’ve just been missing the deep, authentic community I left behind. I read your post today and it sounds like you’ve managed to make many beautiful friends in many different places and to allow their friendship and grace to support you even when you don’t live near each other. I pray you will continue to be blessed by dear friends near and far.

  7. Susan says:

    Praying God’s grace over you. I have never been in your shoes but I can imagine it would be so very difficult. Yet how gracious and merciful of you to look outside yourself and say, how can I be their friend? 🙂 God bless you!

  8. Brie E says:

    Friend, I feel for you! I know exactly how those nights seem, lonely and empty and open when before there was so much. But He doesn’t let you down, He’s just waiting to introduce the best you at the best moment. It’s all right in the end; if it’s not alright, it’s not the end.

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